You’ve read this and either you answered confidently, or you found yourself like a lot of the other moms I have come across, that can’t tenderly, answer that question.
When I am in my beginning coaching sessions with a mom, I will often ask them to describe who they are. A certain mom will answer with a job they used to do, enlighten me on all their hobbies they used to have fun with, what goals they pursued before children, but at the end of the day, none of that is actually who they are now. They struggle to tell me who they are as an individual now being a mom.
Now if you actually stop and ponder, can you answer that question. Not who you were, not where do you want to be, but truly, who are you know?
So much of our identity can be tied to our career, our freedom, our social lives and when motherhood comes, we aren’t quite sure what happened to all of that or where to get it back. Will we ever get “it”back?
Have you lost yourself, mama?
Moms lose themselves. We do. We lose our identity in our children. Sometimes it takes moms a year or two to rediscover themselves and others go for years hiding in baggy clothes, focusing on the best products for the family, putting everyone else’s needs first, before they realize they are in an identity crisis and they’ve lost themselves along the way.
Some moms feel that after having children they are supposed to be the most fulfilled they have ever been and unfortunately, that is just not the case. Understandably, there are some challenges we uniquely face and we have to learn to switch from our single self, our married no kids self, to a woman with children. You are not just a mom. You are your own unique person with her own desires, passions, and likes. Yes, you have them. Believe me.
“I don’t have time”. Well, we can get into “you management”later. Let’s save time saving for another post or better yet, let’s have a chat on the phone. Otherwise…
I encourage you to KNOW YOUR MOM-IDENTITY.
Remember to listen to yourself. This is actually a training that moms will have to start doing again as they put their needs aside and forget completely about themselves. I have seen moms say I will cook that because my son likes this, I will buy that because my husband likes this, but they fail time and time again to consider themselves and actually think and listen to themselves. Start paying attention to what you really want and not just what is expected of you. Do you hear that?
You are not your old self. You are not a future version of what you want to be. You are who you are at this moment. You have the power to change, to have more time, to set goals, and to have likes. Take the opportunity to take yourself on a date and rediscover your mom identity.
Have fun finding out who you are and let me know your process along the way.
Happy Monday to all moms, I hope you all had a fantastic Mother’s Day!
Mothers are simply amazing. Being a part of someone else’s life at whatever age is such a great privilege and also a great responsibility!
This responsibility requires a lot of bold steps to be taken on a daily basis. At every moment in our lives as moms, we make decisions that would not only affect us but also the family.
As you know by now, one of our Core Values at Momleader is “Be a Leader“.
Leadership requires wholeness.
A mom needs to be whole to be able to be an influencer.
Wholeness is not perfection, part of wholeness is the ability of a mom to take those required bold steps when making decisions like – what to feed her family, establishing her family’ values and also in the pursuit of her personal goals and dreams.
Moms would be able to achieve this if they are well informedwhen making these decisions.
This information is what we aim to provide at Momleader.
Being a Courageous Mom is all about following your mom-instincts, making “Informed decisions” plus following through with it.
Share your secret recipe for being a “Courageous Mom?”
We all know that children are not born with a manual – We all became moms the moment we were given our new born with no prior training. No matter how prepared we were to be a mom – when the real motherhood kicked in; we found out that we were not prepared! We believe that moms can learn a lot from others.
Having access to other moms (who are either at the same stage they are in or ahead of them); that is having access to moms who are willing to share their experiences, victories and failures with other moms helps greatly on the motherhood journey.
Moms should have access to an exciting and fun learning ground where lifelong relationships are built and nurtured.
Wondering why having mom-friends makes all the difference, here are three of the many reasons it is great to have mom friends:
1. Your own Cheering Squad – they have been there or are currently there so they get it
2. Your Advisors – Still based on experience, they are great for giving their “two cents” which might be exactly what you need
3. Your Personal Reminder – they will remind you that you are a great mom for those hard days. They will also remind you of what you are capable of!
Get a mom tribe or network whether online or off line.
Tradition has played a very important role in how moms run their homes. The media doesn’t really help to be honest. Perfect pictures on social media put moms under pressure to be “perfect moms”.
There is a major comparison and perception when it comes to what being a ‘great mom’ is. There’s the theory of attachment vs Independence, working mom vs stay at home moms; breastfeeding moms vs bottle fed moms and what to feed your toddler and what not. The question is not “what is right” vs “what is wrong”.
The question is “what is best for your family at this moment?” At momleader, we believe that a mom understands her needs and her family’ needs and she is flexible without judgement or overwhelming mom-guilt.
Moms juggle a lot. We know this because we ARE moms.
A Momleader understands balance because she has access to resources, lessons, hacks and tips that will help her have a balanced life at home, work, business or in the community. A momleader understands the importance of taking care and nurturing herself and knowing her priorities. When your family and goals are set, your intent of the day is known. We coach moms on how to be structured in aligning their goals and setting out to achieve them however, sometimes, that isn’t always possible and life happens. You can plan 10 things to do in a day and neither of them get done because your child is sick, or you are going through some fussy toddler times, or things just aren’t working for that day. We all know that children are not born with a manual – We all became moms the moment we were given our new born with no prior training. No matter how prepared we were to be a mom – when the real motherhood kicked in; we found out that we were not prepared!
We believe moms should be willing to take risks as well. Not everything tried and true will work for you! Remember that. You have to try new things and adjust – just because it didn’t work for your children once, try, try again! As we’ve been learning, they change their mind!
A momleader to us picks her battles, is organised, is able to adjust and has a positive mental attitude. Balance is key. You wanted to workout in the morning and your children wouldn’t let you because they were fighting and you were running late so you couldn’t get to the groceries. Stop and reflect. You still have the rest of the day to tackle these things. Put the time constraint and “time pressure” off of you and work in task based mode or in time blocks. Did you work out at all today even if it was in the evening? Did you end up going for a walk with the children as a flexible compromise instead of doing your normal gym routine? Did you throw in the towel today on everything because mentally you just weren’t “on”? Trust me moms. We know what you go through. Don’t mom-guilt yourself! We can be our biggest enemies. The biggest things I tell my clients is give yourself the flexibility to be human as well. For instance, you are allowed to say “I’m busy”. (I’m busy doing nothing and no I don’t want to get together with anyone because I am still in my pj’s and I don’t really want to clean my house…..) Thats ok! Don’t guilt yourself on it. Sometimes we can stay in that realm of having to get everything done but we need to be flexible in getting things done when we can – for example, I type this post as my child is in the bath. Another example is have some mental down time by showing up to your kid’s school 10 min early. There are ways to allow yourself some freedom of the task list. You just need to know where to bend and how to be flexible.
What’s really important to us is that our mom leaders understand their personal needs and their family’ needs and that they are flexible without judgement or overwhelming mom-guilt. So, talk to us. What’s your biggest challenge in achieving proper balance?
Welcome to our very first momleader monday! On the blog today, we will be discussing our very first core value of Momleader: Leadership.
Many people ask me why mom LEADER? This is really the founding block of who we are.
What does Leadership mean? Leadership is influence. We know that Great leaders don’t use their “positional” powers to bring about change; they use their “personal” power. What is their personal power? INFLUENCE. Every mom has the ability to add value in their home. As a Momleader, we use our personal power – empathy, problem solving skills, resilience, ability to prioritize, adapt, make tough calls and our personality to influence our children so that the world will be a better place. When you are a Momleader, you are a great leader in your home; when you are Great leader – you are an INFLUENCER!
Remember moms, no matter what influence you have, you are bringing it to the table everyday in your home and with your children. We need to harness that influence and make sure it is aligning with who we are and our family goals. How are you influencing and leading in your home?